Saturday, November 20, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Refashioning is refun!
Nothing wrong with making some old new again. I have been puching my creativity and decided to refashion one of Shawn's dress shirts that he doesn't wear becuase it is old...so I made it new!
Here are some pics. I wish I would have had a before pic but I don't. It was simply a plain old collared dress shirt. I cut surged the collar off, added a hoodie, and did a little fancy stitch design on the front. So fun!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
I hate being called a sinner!
In the recent days, I have realized that I abhor being called or referred to as a sinner. I hate if my husband points it out, it stings if leadership sees it in me, and I loath the realization in my own personal reflections when the word sinner comes up....
I actually think my entire Christian walk I have tried to live blameless, literally. I remember my first doctrinal conflict when I was 16. I had only been saved for about 4 months. Most new believers I have watched are reveling in God's amazing love, reading His word because they are hungry for truth. Although these things were happening, a greater motivation for me was to find out how to stop sinning. I remember a discussion I had with my step mom where she told me I would never not be a sinner in need of a savior. I was shocked. "You mean I could never get it right, never stop hurting Christ?". It took me months to swallow that fact, I almost decided to not believe all because of this...
What is so interesting is the recent education and teaching on depravity that I feel have been floating to the top of sermons, series, and topics discussed in my life; and my reaction is so negative because I really do NOT want to focus on my sinner-ness. I know the flaw of this...well, I am starting to…
In the recent months I have sinned so thoroughly, so ugly. In the past the minute I see any sin in my life, I dig down, way deep, in my own strength, and begin to reject the sin, to avoid it, to do every stinking thing in my power to STOP SINNING! If I see sin in myself, I say I go to God, but honestly I am realizing I go to my inners and command them to straighten up and fly right. But this time, I can't mustard up the strength.
Last night I received word that I had hurt someone that I absolutely hold in very high esteem from things I have said to others. I sat there stinging, feeling the weight of my words and my sin so sad and embarrassed of my choices and my sin against others especially this person. I also have been so mean to Shawn I will barely let him touch me for going on 2 weeks. I am angry AND sinning. I doubt God all day long; I am frustrated at everything and can not figure out why. At times I feel like I want to be swallowed up by some large mammal instead of face the fact that I AM A SINNER...
I hate even writing that. This time I can't make it right. I can't mustard up the strength to pull myself out of that Title. I don't know how to stop trying so hard to stop sinning. I have been referring to it as a “works mentality” but the truth is I just don’t ant to be called a sinner…this is my motivation for much of what I do. I want to rely on the "But the gift of God is" part instead of "wages of sin is death".
I’m asking for your forgiveness and your prayers. I am asking to be called a sinner even if I hate it because I long for God's propitiation and redemption in my whole parts, in the part that He is exposing right now. I want it so badly. Please forgive me for trying to be a non-sinner.
Thank you Pastor Aaron and Dana, Mel, Kendra, for loving me when I don't deserve your love, when I have hurt you, talked wrongly about you. You have and are proving to be like Christ in this towards me. I don't know how long I have been trying to be sinless but I hope I have gotten it all out of me and I really am ready to be rescued by the utmost highest power of redemption I know. I want to be a sinner in the hands of a mighty God. I just don’t know how because my whole Christian walk I have tried to avoid this….
I would like to go to the next encounter....a sinner.
Suzee
I actually think my entire Christian walk I have tried to live blameless, literally. I remember my first doctrinal conflict when I was 16. I had only been saved for about 4 months. Most new believers I have watched are reveling in God's amazing love, reading His word because they are hungry for truth. Although these things were happening, a greater motivation for me was to find out how to stop sinning. I remember a discussion I had with my step mom where she told me I would never not be a sinner in need of a savior. I was shocked. "You mean I could never get it right, never stop hurting Christ?". It took me months to swallow that fact, I almost decided to not believe all because of this...
What is so interesting is the recent education and teaching on depravity that I feel have been floating to the top of sermons, series, and topics discussed in my life; and my reaction is so negative because I really do NOT want to focus on my sinner-ness. I know the flaw of this...well, I am starting to…
In the recent months I have sinned so thoroughly, so ugly. In the past the minute I see any sin in my life, I dig down, way deep, in my own strength, and begin to reject the sin, to avoid it, to do every stinking thing in my power to STOP SINNING! If I see sin in myself, I say I go to God, but honestly I am realizing I go to my inners and command them to straighten up and fly right. But this time, I can't mustard up the strength.
Last night I received word that I had hurt someone that I absolutely hold in very high esteem from things I have said to others. I sat there stinging, feeling the weight of my words and my sin so sad and embarrassed of my choices and my sin against others especially this person. I also have been so mean to Shawn I will barely let him touch me for going on 2 weeks. I am angry AND sinning. I doubt God all day long; I am frustrated at everything and can not figure out why. At times I feel like I want to be swallowed up by some large mammal instead of face the fact that I AM A SINNER...
I hate even writing that. This time I can't make it right. I can't mustard up the strength to pull myself out of that Title. I don't know how to stop trying so hard to stop sinning. I have been referring to it as a “works mentality” but the truth is I just don’t ant to be called a sinner…this is my motivation for much of what I do. I want to rely on the "But the gift of God is" part instead of "wages of sin is death".
I’m asking for your forgiveness and your prayers. I am asking to be called a sinner even if I hate it because I long for God's propitiation and redemption in my whole parts, in the part that He is exposing right now. I want it so badly. Please forgive me for trying to be a non-sinner.
Thank you Pastor Aaron and Dana, Mel, Kendra, for loving me when I don't deserve your love, when I have hurt you, talked wrongly about you. You have and are proving to be like Christ in this towards me. I don't know how long I have been trying to be sinless but I hope I have gotten it all out of me and I really am ready to be rescued by the utmost highest power of redemption I know. I want to be a sinner in the hands of a mighty God. I just don’t know how because my whole Christian walk I have tried to avoid this….
I would like to go to the next encounter....a sinner.
Suzee
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
His love!
I want my love to look like Christ's but I feel so bad at loving. I am in this spot where God's love is so good, it is so consistent and real to me. I don't deserve it, I don't understand it, I can't return it, I am like a bankrupt bank when it comes to love and the Lord keeps depositing more love even though I spend it in all the wrong ways and I overdraw the account. Sometime I even tell Him I can live with out it only to fall on my face and beg for more of it. I don't love the people around me well. I don't even love my family well. I deny love to some, I choose who to love more, I treat my love like it came from me and I designed it.....BUT I didn't! The Lord did. He created love with out me or my options, my opinions, my rough drafts. All I know of love in my flesh is ridiculous.
His love is so pure and underestimated. It can turn a sinner's heart around, It can bond a relationship that is severed, His love can change a path from killer to Evangelist, It can open eyes that have been shut for so long, His love rescues me over and over. It tackles me when I am running away, it finds me in my darkest places, it ruins me in such a good way. I can not breathe with out His love. His love sets me free, it gives me wings to fly over any hurt or scare or wound. It empowers me to forgive and to live. God's love bends over and almost brakes in half for us. His love died for us. His love held my sin and all the world's sin and broke His heart. His love is dirty, and it is raw, and tonight I set still in the fact that He did all of this for His kids.
Set me free God, let your love completely saturate my life. May my response be simply be thank you, I love you, here I am...
I can not define love but to show the cross...
Thank you Christ!
His love is so pure and underestimated. It can turn a sinner's heart around, It can bond a relationship that is severed, His love can change a path from killer to Evangelist, It can open eyes that have been shut for so long, His love rescues me over and over. It tackles me when I am running away, it finds me in my darkest places, it ruins me in such a good way. I can not breathe with out His love. His love sets me free, it gives me wings to fly over any hurt or scare or wound. It empowers me to forgive and to live. God's love bends over and almost brakes in half for us. His love died for us. His love held my sin and all the world's sin and broke His heart. His love is dirty, and it is raw, and tonight I set still in the fact that He did all of this for His kids.
Set me free God, let your love completely saturate my life. May my response be simply be thank you, I love you, here I am...
I can not define love but to show the cross...
Thank you Christ!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)