His love!

I want my love to look like Christ's but I feel so bad at loving. I am in this spot where God's love is so good, it is so consistent and real to me. I don't deserve it, I don't understand it, I can't return it, I am like a bankrupt bank when it comes to love and the Lord keeps depositing more love even though I spend it in all the wrong ways and I overdraw the account. Sometime I even tell Him I can live with out it only to fall on my face and beg for more of it. I don't love the people around me well. I don't even love my family well. I deny love to some, I choose who to love more, I treat my love like it came from me and I designed it.....BUT I didn't! The Lord did. He created love with out me or my options, my opinions, my rough drafts. All I know of love in my flesh is ridiculous.
His love is so pure and underestimated. It can turn a sinner's heart around, It can bond a relationship that is severed, His love can change a path from killer to Evangelist, It can open eyes that have been shut for so long, His love rescues me over and over. It tackles me when I am running away, it finds me in my darkest places, it ruins me in such a good way. I can not breathe with out His love. His love sets me free, it gives me wings to fly over any hurt or scare or wound. It empowers me to forgive and to live. God's love bends over and almost brakes in half for us. His love died for us. His love held my sin and all the world's sin and broke His heart. His love is dirty, and it is raw, and tonight I set still in the fact that He did all of this for His kids.
Set me free God, let your love completely saturate my life. May my response be simply be thank you, I love you, here I am...
I can not define love but to show the cross...
Thank you Christ!